[H] Truth Thursday 09 | To Answer Your Question...

"Why Umak? -and- Why not Umak?"

Warning - This post is going to be very long. I've never fully answered these questions before simply because it's such a long and winding journey. But it's a good one. So here goes.

  I have had the greatest time studying at the University of Makati. It's been the most ugly/beautiful experience I've ever had and I can not even begin to describe how much this has changed me. I never imagined I'd meet such wonderful people and I never thought my heart would break so much - but in a good way. I feel so blessed to have been able to join this world of Umakians even if it was only for 2 yrs.

Choosing Umak

  It came as a shock to everyone when I decided to study at Umak. Coming from an extremely private, wonderful, first rate Christian missionary international school, everyone expected that I'd go straight to the US for college; and to be fair, that was my original plan. I took a gap year after high school to deal with some personal issues and I still hadn't felt proper peace in my heart about leaving the Philippines just yet. I held on firmly though to the dream in my heart and the passion that God gave me - I would be a teacher. I would fight for freedom and protection, for opportunities and education for underprivileged children. I knew my end goal; I just didn't know how I would get there.

  I remember Ignite 2011. My original seat was in the front, however, I traded with someone else because, well, I don't really remember the reason anymore (haha), but all I know is that I ended up sitting by myself; surrounded by tagalog-speaking strangers for the first time ever. I was out of my comfort zone. It was completely invigorating. I sat in the back and looked upon the crowd of passionate, young, Filipinos and I just felt God tugging at my heart-strings "Hey, these are your people. Do you not care for them, too?" I closed my eyes and I could just taste the potential. For the first time I felt the suffering and the struggle of the nation's history as my own. This is my land, too. These are my people, also. I am a part of this crowd.

  I came home from Ignite, excited and passionate about considering the possibility of studying here in the Philippines. I had already submitted my 2 weeks notice from work and thought it was perfect timing to start studying for entrance exams and researching good schools to attend here in the Philippines. I knew by then it was already too late to apply for the incoming school year, so I was already preparing myself for another gap year. However, after discussing things with my dad, a crazy miraculous string of events occurred and I found myself, two perfect weeks later, enrolling at Umak. I was enthralled. All my needs were met, all my preferences were given, the timing was perfect, the money was exact, and when I prayed about it, I felt such peace I had never felt before. I became a Umak student.

First year friends

   Many people were disappointed that I would give up an opportunity to study abroad and instead choose to study at a public university in the Philippines. Honestly, I didn't know how to explain it. I still don't completely know how to explain it. I've always believed that education is not about the ranking of the school, but about learning. So if I really wanted to work as a teacher in a public school, what better way to learn than to experience it? One of my strongest education beliefs at the time was that a good education should never be exclusive. A talented, hard-working, capable student should never have to sacrifice his or her education merely because he or she does not have enough money for tuition. There must be a better way. When children are born, they do not choose what their family's annual income would be. I fell in love with Umak's scholarship program and how they provide opportunities to students. They are an 'inclusive' school and I felt if ever I were to build my own school, I'd want to make my program similar - quality education for everyone.

The Umak Experience

Our First year, first sem crazy performances

  I knew it would be difficult to adjust to everything at first, but nothing could have prepared me for the horror of the first few weeks of class. Our classes were on the 4th floor of the oldest, most run-down building. We had one electric fan on the ceiling cooling off us 50+ students in one small classroom. We didn't even have whiteboards; they were chalkboards. The bathrooms in building 1 literally made me cry. On some days, the professors wouldn't even show up. I also did not speak tagalog; I barely even understood a word. It was a nightmare. I was miserable.

  And then it got better. My classmates were gracious and kind. I learned that sometimes, even though the facilities may not be ideal, that doesn't mean we cannot learn. I learned that after a while, the strange sounds and cooing of Tagalog can form meaningful phrases and words and can be understood. I learned that the best things to do with awkward situations and failure is to laugh. I learned that everything that I thought I knew about what students need was idealistic and just plain wrong. I knew nothing. These students do not need someone else telling them what to do. They need someone to listen to them. These kids are just like me.

1st year, 2nd sem, winning 2nd place at an essay contest

  It's funny how I thought that by going to Umak, I had so much to offer the school. I thought I could help my classmates out, that perhaps my mission at school was to help them learn. I didn't realize how much I'd be learning from them, or even how much the school would help me grow. In retrospect, I worry that I got way more out of this school than I was able to give. I think in a sense, it's also how God humbles me. Lesson 1 - All that I thought I knew about my classmates, all my preconceptions, were all wrong. I know nothing. Lesson 2 - By listening to them, I can learn everything.

I survived ROTC

  In highschool, I wasn't involved in a lot of after school activities. I was a cheerleader my freshman year, but after that, I lacked the confidence to try anything else new. I didn't realize that friends are there to support you, and yes, sometimes, even push you to do the things that sort of scare you. I'm learning to be the type of friend that pushes. One of the things that I love about my classmates are the community they build - they support each other in everything and they are all each other's cheerleaders. Sometimes, all we need is a little pushing and prodding to get us out of our comfort zones to do something greater. I am forever in debt to all of my friends', classmates', and esteemed professors' pushings and proddings. Without them, I would never have been able to experience these amazing things:

1. Hosting: by the end of 1st year, I had hosted/co-hosted 5 events at the school. The grandest one was a Mr. and Ms. English pageant. Standing in the spotlight, speaking in front of a large crowd had never, ever been my forte so it was amazing to be able to learn how to control a crowd and emcee events. I am forever grateful for the opportunity. I had never done anything like it before. The things I've learned are skills that I will carry with me for the rest of my life and I don't think I will ever live "bonggang bongga" down.

2. Umak Sword president: I still feel that this was a little bit of a mistake that I was voted president, but it was such a fantastic learning experience anyways. Juggling work, ballet, and this org became too much to handle, however, it was still amazing how much we were able to accomplish in such a short amount of time. Through Sword, I was pushed to lead people. I am not a natural leader. This was such a challenge but such a learning experience to be tough and specific and to create deadlines and tasks for people. Through this, I also had the opportunities to speak to different classes in different courses and play "random game" and share stories. It was through Sword that I finally learned how to be confident and loud in front of the classroom; to speak with authority about the things that I am passionate about. I will also never forget the amazing friendship and ridiculous moments with my swordies. Swordies are the wackiest people you will ever meet. They also make me laugh the hardest - so hard I even fall over sometimes.

 3. Adventures: Before Umak, I was the most cautious commuter in the Philippines. But I believe an adventurous spirit is contagious and I have certainly caught the bug from my friends. I have ridden the jeepney late at night, gone to far off places without a taxi, car, or driver. We've walked down streets late at night and ate the most questionable meat and food options at the side of the road. We once, went up a mountain on New Year's day after only 3 hours of sleep. Just three clueless girls following one blog post, commuting way out to some province we've never been before, getting slightly lost along the way, but making it anyways. My fellow Umakians have given me a fearlessness and thirst in adventure that the very cautious, timid, pre-Umak Helen could have only dreamed of.

4. ALCU Games: My friends still laugh when I tell them that I was actually part of a sports team in college. I only ever went camping once or twice when I was younger, but the ALCU games housing experience was even worse than camping, haha! But it was also amazing. We spent a week out of the city with teams from colleges and universities all over the Philippines. Amazing. I had so much fun swimming with my team. I can't believe I was even able to come home with 2 bronze medals and one silver. That was ridiculous. I have never fought so hard and been so aggressive about winning or even reaching the the finish line as I did during ALCU. I'll never forget the whole concept of "don't give up. Finish strong." My right shoulder still hasn't fully recovered, I'm afraid it may never be the same, haha. But I have absolutely no regrets. Spending 7-12 noon at a swimming event and then going straight to a pageant that went on until 12am was perhaps the longest, hardest day of my life. But it was so worth it. I have never felt such strong support and cheering from my team mates nor did I know that I could push myself hard. Favorite phrase of the week - "push, push, push!"

Ms. CASE 2013

Ms. Umak 2nd runner up

5. Pageants: I am still laughing that this actually happened. Never in my life had I ever thought that I would do anything like this. I started the whole thing being only semi-serious, and I had so much fun just playing around and being resourceful. One thing led to another, and so it happened that this -never watched a full beauty pageant before-, 5'2", unapologetically bulky-builded, girl ended up in 3 pageants in less than 3 months. I wanted to prove that dignity is more important than showing one's "sexiness." I wanted to show that size didn't matter, that intelligence, poise, carriage, and passion is worth far more than physical appearances. I'm not quite sure if I was able to get that across, but I learned so much more in the process. I used to think little of people who would compete in pageants. I used to think it was all so shallow and objectifying and just plain stupid. Now I've learnt that there is value in knowing how to project and present yourself. It is an honor to represent your school. I also learned that it is so not my dream to be a model, or performer. Haha! I prefer the backstage and cheering people on way more than standing in the spotlight. But I will forever be grateful to my classmates, family and friends who supported me throughout it all.

  My 2nd year at UMak was jam-packed and crazy fun. We moved from building 1 to the new building, while building 1 got a very much needed make-over. All our classrooms were air-conditioned. We had amazing facilities - gym with sauna, multi-media rooms, projectors and whiteboards, beautiful bathrooms. I was working and studying, and then swimming and dancing. I met the most amazing people in the world with the kindest hearts and warmest smiles. I met girls and guys who have the most amazing fighting spirit and also the most sensitive souls. I'll never forget the many afternoons that turned into mornings with my crazy classmates in my house working hard to finish projects or study for exams. I'll never forget the speed that the food disappears from my pantry when the rotc boys would come over. My walls have witnessed tears flowing from heartbreaks and hurt, and tears flowing from uncontrollable belly laughs and giggle fits. Secrets shared in the safety of my room will stay here forever. I think because of my inability to speak tagalog fluently I was forced to learn how to listen more. I learned how sometimes there are no easy quick fixes for our problems, but sometimes just being there to listen, pray, and support eases the burden already. And again, all that I thought I knew were just the naive musings of an idealistic, sheltered girl. Real life is much more complicated. But sometimes complicated is much more valuable.

Leaving Umak

  I did not want to stop studying at Umak. I don't want to leave. But my time at Umak taught me to be unashamed of who I am and what I do. I am a nerd. I am a lover of words and literature. I am not a traditional education enthusiast. I believe in creativity and mistakes and self-learning and stories and principles and concepts. I'm not thrilled with rules and formulas. But oh how I love learning.

 I pushed myself also not to get behind on my studies since I knew that Umak wouldn't be as challenging since it's a course based on English as a 2nd language, and not as a native one. There's a quote that goes "I've never let my schooling interfere with my education" that's usually attributed to Mark Twain. I started to feel that the stress and juggle of being physically present to attend some classes that weren't challenging me or causing me to learn, were a little more than I could handle. I realized that my dreams have grown and evolved and in order to chase them, I'll need to be fully equipped and prepared. I need to be the best version of myself if I want to be a great teacher. Therefore, when the opportunity rises to pursue a more literature-based course, then of course I must take it. How can I offer anything less than my best to my future students?

  Sometimes when I share my story, people say that it was "sayang;" that my two years at Umak was such a waste since I wasn't able to finish it. But honestly, the past 2 years were the greatest years of my life. I do not regret a single thing. I still believe that the University of Makati is a wonderful school and they provide such quality education at the most amazing price. I'm not here to say that my course wasn't a good course. It is, it just didn't fit me exactly, and that's ok. Every body is different. I've met some of the most amazing people here. It breaks my heart to leave them, but I know that even though we may not be able to talk every day, week, month, or year, these friendships are made for life. I've learned so much from them. I entered Umak thinking I had so much to share, and have come out so much richer than I had begun. These gloriously gracious people gave me the confidence to reach for things despite my uncertainties. They taught me how to love my country and my people. They taught me how to understand our language. If I had gone to the States two years ago, I would not have been the person I am today. Umak has completely changed my life.

  People say the Philippines is experiencing a major economic boom. They say that the Philippines is rising to become one of the greater powerhouses in Asia. Attending Umak, I can feel so much potential in the air. When I talk to my classmates; when I see the way they passionately respond and react to different things; I just know that the next great leaders, movers, and shakers, will come from Umak. I know that 10 years from now, Umak will have the prestige similar to UP. I may no longer study at Umak, but I still believe in the greatness, power, passion, and resourcefulness of the students. I feel extremely blessed and privileged to have been able to be a part of it, even if it was just for a little while. Of course, I will be cheering on my classmates and supporting them forever. We know we can, because we're Umakians. :")

My fellow Umakians have captured my heart and I love them all so much. And yes, I love Umak.

I wrote this down here in the hopes that someday when I'm tired, worn out, and just plain confused, I can come back here and remember everything. I want to be able to remember what happened and what I set out to accomplish. I want to remember to be grateful and thankful always. I'm not who I was two years ago. And oh, thank God for His grace that He uses people to help spur us along from 'glory to glory.'